I read something online and I think we can all relate. this isn’t about anyone in particular. This is purely I read this and over the years it has held true. I’m a firm believer that that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Again, please dont read into this. (Unless of course you feel it applies to you…lol) but as I’m writing this there is NOBODY that I am thinking of. So here goes…I’ll try and paraphrase it as best I can…
You didn’t lose a friend-you lost the illusion of a friend.
At one point they were your safe place. The secrets shared, laughing until your stomach hurt. Random texts, Instagram reels, conversations on three different platforms all saying different things.
But the second things got messy…they picked distance over loyalty. They picked silence over honesty. They picked judgement over love.
And now they are a stranger of a person you once knew. A stranger that stIll holds your deepest secrets close at heart. A stranger you think about often. A stranger you long to reconnect wit. A stranger that you don’t know how to reconnect with.
They never betrayed you-you never betrayed them. there might not have ever been a fight. But one day the calls stopped. And then the texts came less frequently. And then they became more formal.
The slow fallout caused more pain, the quiet unfriending. The not knowing. There was nothing to grieve because you didn’t know. A day turned into a week, a week into a month. They are no longer your top texts, they don’t show up as a favorite on Facebook or Instagram. They silently fade.
You were there for her storms, she was there for yours. But then she wasn’t. You celebrated each other. But when your world went to hell she turned her back. She tried. She said all the right things. “Let me know if you need anything, I’m a phone call away, call anytime.“. Maybe they followed through in the beginning. Maybe they were the doers in the beginning. Maybe it got to be too much. Maybe your shitstorm lasted too long. When others stepped in and did without asking she stood on the sidelines looking in. And then she wasn’t on the sidelines anymore. She had quietly disappeared. And you didn’t know how to reconnect. You didn’t know what that awkward first text reconnecting should say.
Like with any relationship we grow. Sometimes our growth and goals align. Sometimes we want different things at the end of the day. Most days we remember what brought us together and can connect on that. Some days we can’t see the common ground because we have grown too far apart.
Maybe they weren’t ever your friend. Maybe they were someone that benefited from a season of your life. Maybe their reason was just for a season. And sometimes we don’t know the reason someone comes into our life. Sometimes it hurts more when that season is over and you didn’t know it was ending.
It’s okay to let the friendship go. It’s okay too mourn a friendship that you thought you had. But remember as you are mourning she has already moved on. Maybe she hasn’t. Maybe she is still silently cheering you on. Maybe her storm was overwhelming and you didn’t see it because you were in the thick of yours.
Be kind to yourself. Be kind to her. She once was your best friend. She once was the holder of your secrets. It’s nobody fault. Maybe your reasons will collide again and you’ll grab a coffee or a drink or exchange a funny text that will start things up.
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