I know I keep saying it and I will probably say it another 500 times...but what a whirlwind this week/month/year has been. Nothing prepares you for the rollercoaster of cancer. The ups and the downs, the ins and the outs everything that goes a long with it. Nobody can ever prepare you for it. Its just how it goes.
So again, I am sure I am repeating myself. So I apologize in advance.
I was denied SSDI the beginning of November, middle of November. I am not even sure when. I was discouraged entially this meant it would just be my retirement disability through my pension if that went through. We hoped for the best-. I honestly was so discouraged I didn't bother to reapply because I didn't want to become more irritated and frustrated than what I already was.
I vowed the beginning of the year I would relook at it and reassess. On January 5th I sat down and filled out the application again submitted it and forgot about it. Well didn't really forget about it because who can forget about applying for SSDI. But went about my life. Things got hetic in January which helped. This week I got a call that it was urgetnt for me to call back SSDI about my application. My mom got a call that it was urgent I call back before 1:30. 10:30 during treatment I called back and was asked my marriage date and told I needed to call back on Friday lets say the same time. Perfect. Will do talk to you then Nick.
Today I was checking email when I got an update that my status on my application has been updated. I login to my account and read that it has been approved!!! I couldn't believe it!!! I immediately tried calling Nick to see what this actually means but I can't get through. But this can only mean good news, right!?! Approve!! A word I love!!!
So here I am still anxious because I am not 100% sure what I have been approved for-maybe a spa treatment, mani/pedi? Cruise? Who knows. Time will tell. I will be on the phone with Nick tomorrow at 10:30 hopefully getting some more answers. I am hopeful that this means that the boys will be eligible for benefits as well. When I was denied in November it meant the boys were denied. Which was a huge bummer. I honestly, just want what my family and I are entitled too. I don't want anything more. I want to know that the boys and Bryan will be okay if and when I pass. That the hard work that I did will help pay off and make things manageable for them. So thats where we are. I was approved for SSDI today.
I also have been having trouble getting in and out of my favorite chair today. Its the chair that I had when both kids came home from the hospital. ITs the chair that Bryan keeps saying isn't going to work in the long run. So this afternoon my mom and sister and Baelor and I went over to Bob's and looked for a new chair. I have had it in my mind what I wanted. I have been looking at chairs for sometime now. I knew exactly what I wanted. So it was an easy decision. I needed something that could help me get out, something I could recline in-ideally something that I could fit me and a boy in so oversized. And something comfy. And I found it. So a new retirement chair was ordered.
I talked with a friend today about retiring. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. But I also knew that this was something that I needed to do for my mental health and well being. I couldn't continue to be present for my kids if I was working full time. I needed to take the time to focus on them and their needs while I navigate this stage of my life. We knew it was going to be tough. We knew it wasn't going to be easy. But here we are. Going forward. With an approval from the Town Disability Retirement a week and a half ago and an approval from Social Security today. There was no fanfare. There was no bells or whistles, there were no balloons or cards or rocking chairs, or watches, or cake and ice cream. There was a silent email that came in twice in the last two weeks that said approved. There was a screen shot to my husband and then my mom and sisters. There was a congrats emoji and my phone shot off confetti. There were tears of excitement that I can close the door on that chapter of my life and it will be okay to go forward.
Tomorrow I will see a friend for pizza with bryan and the kids. We will quietly celebrate the small wins in life this week. The small wins like getting out of the house. Like taking a shower because some days those feel like big wins.
We love you, Theresa
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