I get a lot of questions when I tell them I have lung cancer... So here they all are with answers: 1. Did you smoke? ( I get this one from everyone! My favorite was when the nurse at the oncologist office asked me...I really need to think of a whitty response) Nope not a day in my life. I wasn't around second hand smoke...I'm not of an age where bars were filled with second hand smoke... 2. Did you have any symptoms? Looking back yes I did...at the time I had a reason why they were nothing. I had a cough in the summer of 2022, but I didnt think anything of it. I chalked it up to allergies. I had shortness of breath but I hadn't been physically active in almost two years (because of a broken foot). I had shoulder pain, but I've always carried my stress in my back. Looking back these are all symptoms I should have checked out. 3. Am I still working? Yup, work is my outlet. It takes my mind off of things. It keeps me busy. In the beginning it was hard I was crying all the time. Some days it is harder then others. If i don't sleep well (which is most nights) I just want to stay in my office. I also had decided prior to my diagnosis to go back to school for my second masters (this one in public health). When I was diagnosed I talked to Bryan...I thought it would be best to continue with schooling until I couldn't. Again, it keeps my mind off of things. 4. How are the kids doing? They have their good days and bad days. I think they are more aware then we realize. Baelor has been very clingy lately. I assure him I'm not going anwhere...his response is except when I'm in the ground. 😭. Trent holds it all in and then bursts (he's like me in that way). He doesn't want people to know because he says they look at him differently. They have a great support of friends, family, and both schools were incredibly supportive. We couldn't ask for a better community! 5. How is Bryan holding up? He's doing as well as can be expected. He has been a huge support, picked up where I have dropped the ball and has been incredibly understanding at my moods. He didn't sign up for this 10 years ago when we got married. We thought that our happily ever after would last until we are older, watching our kids and grandkids grow up. It still might... 6. How am I doing? Ya know...I was diagnosed with stage iv lung cancer...I'm not sure how I am supposed to be doing. I'm angry, hurt, tired, overwhelmed. I don't want my bad days to outnumber my good days...some days I take it hour by hour. I don't want my kids to see my bad days, or my husband, or my family. I hold in a lot of my aches and pains...honestly what good does it do complaining. I don't want to worry anyone. I wake up everyday thinking it's going to be a good day. But then an ache or pain will come along and I'll think is the cancer spreading...is this my last good day!?! I'm not one to take a lot of otc meds. I like to think I have a high tolerance for pain but some days I am scared about the pain that I might have coming. 7. What can people do? This is a hard question for me. What do I need, how can they help all of these variations I struggle with. I honestly don't know what i need, and I'm not sure I would feel comfortable asking. If you know me you know that I don't like to put people out, I'd rather be the giver of help then the receiver. It's hard for me to accept that people do want to help me. I have a friend who always seems to know when I am struggling and calls up asks if I am home so she can drop off dinner. She doesn't ask she just does. My sister and mom come to every appointment, my other sister can't be here but can interrupt my medical language, she can do the research that overwhelms me. I have two coworkers who bring my dinner on Friday nights. I am able to come home after a long week and relax! 8. And my all time favorite (it's more of a statement)....But you don't look sick. You look so good. Yup, I know I don't look sick. But I feel different. I have never seen this many doctors, had so many medications at once, realized that if I cut my hair short it would help with the rash on my head, or known I could be this tired. I've lost weight, I've gained weight. I've been embarrassed (still am) about how my body looks...the rash that I can't hide, my hair has taken on a mind of its own, the weight I can't get rid of. It's just not how my body looks it's how my body is failing me...I can't walk up a flight of stairs without getting out of breath. I struggle to move heavy items-before I would never ask for help in moving things.
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