Boys

 

Today on the way home from my moms the boys asked when they would see their counselor again.  I let them know that it wouldn't be until the middle of November because of scheduling and Halloween.  I felt that this opened the door to a conversation about how they are doing.  I don't like bringing it up with Trent because he seems to struggle the most with it.  Baelor is our easy going kid.  I don't think he fully understands what is going on-but goes with the flow.  He reacts to his brothers reactions.  If Trent is upset, Baelor knows that he needs to be upset.  

I asked if they talked to the school counselor about things-Trent said that he doesn't like too because then everything seems real.  If he doesn't talk to anyone about it then it wasn't real.  It broke my heart to hear him explain things to me.  He still hasn't told his best friend-nor has Baelor.  Their friends are brothers, so I explained that if one was going to tell their friend the other would.  Or we could talk to the mom about telling the kids if it was easier.  I explained that sometimes when you are feeling sad it is easier if your friends know why so they aren't wondering and can support you.  Both boys agreed to this but still don't know how to go forward.  

My whole point to this post is that there is no handbook that tells you what to say to your kids.  Sometimes you have to go with your gut and hope you are saying the right things.  Saying the things that make everything okay if not forever at least for that moment.  I know that our boys will be okay, I know they have an incredible support system that will help them on their tough days. I know that we have a village that cares for us deeply (more of a village then I ever realized!)  I know that they don't blame me for all this (somedays it is easier to remember then others).  I just wish they didn't have to go through this.  I just wish that they weren't struggling with something that I can't fix for them.