Ugh

 I struggle with how much to post about life.  I struggle about trying to stay positive and knowing how much people want to hear/read.  But I feel like when I started this blog I wanted to be open about my journey.  Not just for me but for the kids.  I also want to start this by saying that I try very hard to stay positive.  I know that there are people out there that are far worse than I am.  That for the most part I am healthy, we have a roof over our heads, food in our bellies and love in our hearts.  

This weekend Bryan was off.  We talked about doing all the Christmas things-getting the tree, the house decorated, the kids excited.  I knew I was exhausted but honestly, didn't know how much.  I napped on Saturday, I napped on Sunday.  I figured that come Monday I would be ready to go.  (I should add we did get the tree and decorate it!)  

Monday I got up and felt a little light headed but again didn't think anything of it.  I called my mom knowing that I needed to go into work (its the final week of open enrollment!).  Mom to the rescue again with a ride to work.  I managed (not sure how) to make it through the five appointments I had Monday morning.  My mil to the rescue to pick me up  at lunchtime.  Home for a nap and I figured I would be back to normal.  

I emailed my oncologist about my symptoms and it was decided I would be seen the next day.  Monday night I couldn't function.  Legit couldn't function.  I was sleeping off and on more on then off.  I slept on the couch figuring I was closer to the bathroom if i needed to pee.  Bryan was a trooper and kept checking on me.  But me being me waited until he was upstairs before I would go to the bathroom and then would crawl back to the couch.  

Tuesday am I had my appointment.  My sister was coming down to go with us.  At this point my mouth sores were out of control I couldn't eat, couldn't drink.  I told Bryan that there was no way I was going to be able to get to the doctor.  My mom didn't give me an option, I needed to go.  We made it down to Peabody I had my blood drawn and sat uncomfortably in a wheelchair (well dozed uncomfortably in a wheelchair).  The nurse practitioner came in and gave me a couple of options.  My potassium level was low, lower than they like.  I essentially needed an infusion.  If this didn't work they would need to hospitalize me to get me back to baseline.  Four hours later I had stayed awake for longer than 30 minutes all day. I also got the magic mouthwash!  That stuff really is magic!  I was so proud of myself.  I slept off and on for the rest of the night.  Today I am exhausted and drained.  But I am on the mend.  I go back for more bloodwork tomorrow.  I am hopeful that my potassium is going to be good to go.  I mean really how can it not be? I am hopeful that my mouth is going to be 1000000 times better tomorrow.  Because really it has no place to go but up.  Tonight I had real food.  (Huge shout out to my friend Alex for dropping dinner on Sunday night mac and cheese was delicious!!).  

I told the boys this weekend is about snuggles and Christmas movies.  Open Enrollment ends tomorrow.  I have done the best that I can.  I have helped as many as I can.  And I need to remember that.  I can't kill myself trying to make sure I fit everyone in.  I need to take care of myself.  (in my next life I'd love to advocate that open enrollment be more user-friendly and if they can't do that and continue to need volunteers then lets not have it in the middle of the winter, before the holidays when everyone is already stressed!).  

Plus news I found out Tuesday that my brain mri is stable!  Onto the 12th for my PET Scan.  I've got this.