Its official...I have been taking Tagrisso for a full year now. I have a love hate relationship with the medication. I love it because it is keeping me alive and keeping my cancer from progressing. It hasn't gotten rid of my cancer, I will always have my cancer, but not progressing is a plus.
But I hate it because of the way it makes me feel. I am exhausted all the time, my hair has thinned out, I have a rash that comes and goes, I never know if things are going to taste the way they tasted yesterday. The only thing that has stayed constant in my liking is Pink Drinks and Cadbury milk chocolate eggs (I have eaten far too many too count). I can have pizza one day and the next day it can taste spicy and gross.
I wake up every day and try to stay positive. I try and remember that tomorrow is not a given. But sometimes (and more lately) I forget the positives. I forget that I am incredibly lucky. My family is incredibly supportive. I am on a medication that is keeping things stable (a word I don't feel like I am). I don't look sick.
To be honest my attitude sucks lately. I try and hold everything in. I don't tell Bryan when I don't feel good because I don't want him to worry. I get scared when I have any aches and pains. Last week I started to get cold symptoms and I immediately panicked that I was going to have a repeat of December. I need to get out of this funk. I need to remember that the positives. That not every ache and pain or trouble breathing is something to be worried about. That not every cold will turn into the same debacle that I had in December.
A part of me is still mourning. Mourning the life that I thought I was going to have. Mourning the life I did have before January 13th, 2023. Mourning how fast time has started to go. I know I am working through the stages of grief. And I will get there. There are days that I accept this I accept the changes we have had to make as a family. And then there are days that I haven't yet accepted it.
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