2023 was the year that could have broken me. It's the year that I didn't think that I would make it through, but I did (I might have crawled into 2024, and cried but I made it!!). It's the year that tested not only me but my family. It came in with a bang and left the same way.
I was asked to confirm my name and dob more times than I count. I heard the words just a little pinch frequently, you would have thought I would have learned its not just a little pinch. lol. I put my trust into doctors that I never knew existed. I have seen more doctors in the past year than I probably have in my whole life. I've been referred to doctors because of a side effect from a side effect. My pill box is full, my medication list is a mile long. I am pretty sure I don't even know half the meds I have been prescribed (I know thats bad). I do know that I am lucky because my medications are working.
I am coming up on the anniversary of my diagnosis and I have mixed feelings about it. I am thankful that I am here to celebrate this anniversary. But at the same time its the day that changed my life a year ago. I still remember exactly where I was when I got the call. Although, I couldn't tell you the doctors name but I can tell you the conversation from the time I picked up the phone. The words you have cancer in your brain are words that will haunt me. I travel the road I was on when I got the news often. Its the way I go to my moms and the way I come home. There are some days that I drive on that street and don't think anything about that day. Then there are days that I drive home and I struggle. The kids in the back seat asking questions and I just can't focus on what they are saying because I think of that day.
I have met so many incredibly wonderful people in the past year. I am glad that I have met them but at the same time wish that it wasn't under the circumstances that I have.
I have no idea what the 13th or 16th of this year is going to bring. I do know that I want to stay busy on both days. A part of me wants to celebrate me and the year I have been through-I want it to be a positive day for me.
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