Today I read something that it’s okay to mourn my new normal as well as my life before January 13, 2023. It’s okay to be sad about the things I can’t do. It’s okay to be sad when I say no to the kids. Our lives have changed. They have been flipped upside down.
Ive never been a super active person. I enjoyed taking the kids for walks, playing tag, or hide and seek with them. Heck I even coached both boys in little league one year. And I loved every minute of it. I had envisioned myself helping coach Baelors team again last year. (And next year-once they get to kid pitch it’s out of my league). I am learning that it’s okay to change my vision of what a good day is. Sometimes it’s just sitting around watching a movie or doing legos.
It’s okay to mourn what I did have. I had the ability to take a deep breath and not be short of breath. I had the ability to walk from the parking lot to a store without being tired or short of breath. I had the ability to shot hoops or toss the baseball around. And maybe I won’t mourn these losses forever. There will be times I feel better than others. I need to remember that it’s okay to grieve the things that I will miss.
I always feel guilty when I tell the boys I can’t do something because I am too tired or out of breath and ask them if we can play video games or watch a movie and cuddle or play a game. But we were talking to Trent’s teacher on Friday and she reminded me that this is okay. One day they will look back and wish they had one more movie with their mom, one more card game too play.
This week took a lot out of me. My procedure was basic but I always forget how exhausted I am after going under. I needed the extra naps this week to make me feel whole again. Bryan and the boys were incredible.
Tomorrow is a new day, tomorrow I will wake up and remind myself how lucky I am. I’m incredibly lucky for my family who have stepped in to help with everything. I am incredibly lucky for my friends that have helped and offered to helped. For my job that have been understanding. I am insanely lucky for my medical team. It’s a team you meet and immediately have to put your faith and trust into. From the moment I met them I had complete confidence in them. I know I have a lot of people fighting in my corner-more people than I could ever imagine. And for that I am thankful!
So tonight I will remind myself it’s okay to grieve the life I had. It’s okay to grieve the things that don’t come easy to me anymore.
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