I don’t even know what to call it. Heartburn, something stuck in my throat, back. But I know there isn’t anything there. I finally broke down and asked for something. Tylenol around the clock, maalox and latiocane, Prilosec tums. I sleep sitting up and still it doesn’t help.
That regimen was prescribed early this week. I talked to the doctor again today and he prescribed something more for my pain. Here’s to hoping that helps. I’ve lost 6 of the 1000000 lbs I’ve gained. So not all is bad. lol.
I had my brain mri this morning. Good news is everything looked great. My 8mm spot has shrunk to 6mm. We will continue to monitor it.
I’ve been in a funk lately. Could be that I haven’t been feeling the best . I’m scared about what’s to come. I’m nervous about progression and next steps. It could be the weight I have gained. And if I hadn’t gained all the weight would my heartburn be as bad as it is. at this point I’m not even sure it’s heartburn to be honest. I had no idea that my esophagus could hurt. But it does.
Theres a ton of reasons I could be in a funk. I looked at my vacation and sick time and I have run myself down. Let’s be honest I wasn’t taking days off to take days off. They all fall in line with appointments, hospitalizations, not being able to stay awake for more than 4 hours.
I have a rash that looks like teenage acne all over my chest, neck and part of my face. Let’s be honest I look like a hot mess express. Sometimes I am embarrassed to go out bc of the rash. In my mind I assume that people judge. And I know I shouldn’t care but I do.
Today the boys had field day and a summer kick off party. It was a lot for Baelor. He was a hot mess by the time we left. I saw a lot of moms and dads of the kids friends. Socially I can be awkward. I can talk to most anyone about anything but I prefer if people start the conversations. I know it’s a two way street. I talked to a couple of moms. They wanted to know how I was doing. How did radiation go? Is the cancer gone? How are the kids doing? How am I feeling? Sometimes I don’t even know how to respond.
My whitty response for the week was when parking in a handicap spot and a guy told me I didn’t look handicap. I replied good thing you can’t see my lung….and I didn’t know being ignorant was a handicap.
To finish off: the good for the week -baseball is over. Our lives can get back somewhat normal. We can have dinner at a normal hour. The bad for the week: the pain from the radiation.
Things I would do differently-keep my comments and thoughts to myself. Sometimes it’s not worth the strain on friendships bt speaking up.
Im thankful for how my kids have handled things with grace. And included everyone even though they aren’t always included. I’m proud of Baelor for speaking up when I friend told him someone was a better friend than Baelor was. I’m thankful that Trent encourages his brother and stands by him.
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