Today I am angry. I don't know why I am angry but I am angry.
Today my feelings are hurt. I can't stop replaying conversations and things that people have called me in my head. Am I really self centered? Do I really not care about others? Maybe those people are right. Maybe I am being selfish by putting my needs first. To fix this I will remember that these are my feelings and I am allowed to feel the way I feel.
Today I wanted to cry more times than I care to admit. I don't know what I wanted to cry about but I did.
Today I was frustrated. Frustrated by the things I am going to miss out on. Frustrated with how unfair our system is, frustrated that you can do everything "right" yet still get screwed over in the end.
Today I got annoyed. At what seems to be small things that people are upset about. But trying to remember that it might be big things to them. To fix this I unfollowed many groups on social media.
Today I was sad. Sad about what my future holds. Sad that I don't have control over my future. Sad that I feel like I am alone at times.
Today I was scared. Scared about my scans coming up. Scared about what the future will hold.
Today I felt grateful. Grateful that I connected with a new friend last week. Grateful and sad and mad and angry that she understands what my family and I are going through. Today I was grateful that she took the time to meet with me last week for tea and to talk about things. That I could open up and not feel judge-because so many times I feel judged.
Today I am pretty sure that I felt all the characters of Inside Out 2. And thats okay. I am still grieving, I am still understanding my new life. I am still adjusting to the changes that have needed to be made.
But today I will act like everything is okay. I will pretend that my feelings aren't hurt, that I am not angry, that I don't want to cry, that I am not frustrated, that I am not sad and that I am not scared. Because if I push the feelings down maybe they don't really exist.
Comments
Post a Comment