You know what else is hard? Waiting…waiting for scan day to come. Waiting to get into the room for the iv. Waiting for the machine to start. Then waiting some more while they make sure they got everything they needed.
Waiting for your results to come in. Once they are in not reading them and analyzing them and pretending I have a PhD is even harder. It’s hard not to google. It’s hard to not to panic. It’s hard to see the good in the scans when you cant even understand the simplest words in them.
It’s so hard waiting for the doctor to call and tell me what’s going on. It’s hard not worrying about when that phone call will come in.
It’s even harder when that call comes in and you have to process it all. And make decisions about it all. And realize that this is your fate.
It’s hard not to take it personally. Why wouldn’t you? It’s hard not to have your brain go there -if I had only done this or hadn’t done that Would things have been different? Would my life not have turned out to be the shit show of health issues I am sitting in today?
Waiting for the next scan, the next doctors appointment, the next hug from a friend, the next time you are alone without kids so you can cry, or scream or swear or flip cancer off is hard.
Life in general is hard. Friends, family and good times makes it a little less hard!
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