Bryan and I were talking today about how last time is going. It's hard to believe that another year has come to an end. Sometimes is it feels like a lifetime ago that was I was diagnosed. Other times it was just yesterday. I was talking with a friend that I’ll never forget where I was when I got the call. And driving by the spot is still hard some days.
Over the past two years I have had 8 PET scans…13 mris…5 Ct scans, 1 ablation… 4 bronchscopy… 1 angiography… 5 ( I think ) Er visits. 2 hospital stays for a total of 6 nights away from my boys. Countless blooddraws. Countless ivs. 4 infusions. 10 radiation sessions. $411,585 worth of 1 medications. Numerous other medications. 6 new doctors. I’ve trusted complete strangers with life changing decisions. Sky high anxiety. Countless wondering. A gazillion questions. Too many sarcatistic answers. More tears than I care to admit. Numerous friends that have been there… a caring community that I never knew about. What seems like a ton of sleepless nights. My google history has changed from clothes and books to how do I tell my kids. Or is it normal? I've questioned my ability to fight this. I've vowed that would fight this till the very end and then questioned when that would be. I’ve reconnected with old friends and unconnected with others. I will not put up with the shit that i once did.
Ive opened up and shared my story to raise awareness. At times I have questioned this decision…but ultimately I know it’s the right decision for me. By opening up I have let people see my vulnerable side I've worn a shell of who I once was, I've laughed to make things seem less weird when I tell people. I've made jokes about the shit luck I've had. But one thing I've haven't done is been ashamed about my diagnosis. Or stopped fighting.
It’s been the longest shortest two years. I can’t thank everyone who has been there and stood by me. Thank you to those that have opened my eyes and helped me see the important things in my life.
Here’s to another 2 years of stable scans. Here's to another 2 years advocating for increased funding and raising awareness. Here's to continuing to grow as a person and overcome my fears.
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