Scan update

 

I know I have been silent lately, theres a lot on my plate.  I like to tell the kids that i have a 5 inch plate and I need a 9 inch plate in order to hold everything.  Then again, I think that I would do better off with a 20 inch plate some days.  

So I had a scan yesterday.  Over the weekend I had a weird headache.  So it was good that I had it already scheduled on Wednesday.  

It started off stressful.  For some reason they keep asking if I have nerve stimulator.  Nope no idea what they are talking about.  But its in my file that I do.  So I have to go over the whole thing.  

Then they couldn't find a vein for the contrast.  Which resulted in a not so little pinch to get it in.  

Then I was called out on my weight.  Not so much called out but asked if my weight was accurate because my last weigh in at the doctors was about 5lbs higher. 

Then there were the tears that started and I was asked if I was going to be able to hold it together while they ran the scan.  

And that was all before I even got into the tube.  

Anyways results came back fairly quickly.  I don't think its a good thing when your scan says "not definitely normal" "suspicious" "close follow up."  I struggle to read the words in the chart.  I go straight for the bottom where they break it down for me.  I also click on the non doctor version.  Dr. Piper checked in and told me that they had reviewed my scans and were okay with the results but that they wanted to move up my next scan as well as send my scan to the neurology-radiation board (or the brain board as he called).  Today I got a message that we are going to wait.  We will scan me in 6-8 weeks, and see what happens on that scan.  The brain board agreed that this was the right approach.  I can only assume that its not getting zapped because radiation to the brain isn't easy.  But I don't know.  I forget to ask.  

So once again, I put my trust in the doctors.  I trust that my spot is okay.  That I shouldn't be worried, that I will be okay.  It has taken me a very long time to trust the process.  Again, the lack of control I don't do well with.  But I need to trust that this is the right course for me.  I really want to treat this aggressively, but I am assured that we are being aggressive and we want to really save the aggressive medications until I have progression.  

So here I sit and wait.  I wait for the date of my next scan.  I wait for my next scan.  I smile so that the kids know everything is okay.   The struggle is real lately.  The struggle to keep a smile is hard.  The tears flow easily lately.  (yes, I have reached out to my therapist and most recently to my psychiatrist).  Hopefully things will get back in control soon.