Update

 

It’s been a tough couple of weeks.  The amount of pain I have been in is indescribable.  

I know I’ve said this before but im not one to speak up.  I hate bothering the doctors over something little that turns out to be nothing.  But often nights I go to bed crying because of the pain, wake up in the middle of the night crying because of the pain.  

One thing I have gotten better about is letting my doctor know ahead of my appointments. Often times our appointments go something like this: Dr Piper: how are you doing today?  Me: great/ok.

and we go about the appointment. I don’t talk about my aches or pains.  This appointment was different.  He asked I said I was doing okay (as I was sprawled on the table with back pain and a headache). My sister called me out.  But Dr Piper knew. He knew I wasn’t in a good space.  We talked about my pain and what could be causing it.  We talked about not holding onto my stress, we talked about how I am worried they won’t find something wrong and it will be a waste and that I can’t handle my stress. We talked about my increase in concerns around my two-year mark.  I admit that I have been asking more questions along the lines of what ifs, what's next, how can we tell.   I just cant seem to get my pain under control. Between my back hurting constantly and my head pounding, swishing, lightheaded.  

He offered to have me inpatient so that we can results faster.  Tests could be run in a more timely manner.  And we would be able to get my pain under control.  I opted not to.  Looking back I probably should have had him admit me.  The pain has become unbearable at times this week.  But the thought of being hospitalized when the kids are at home hurts my heart.  It gives me more anxiety knowing the stress the kids and Bryan and my mom and my sisters go through when I am there.  

Dr. Piper mentioned having a spinal tap done to hopefully get some answers and if not to at least rule things out.  I had additional blood work done before I left and I go back in two weeks.  

I met with Dr. Burke on Wednesday and a spinal tap was ordered.  She changed around my medications to see if that would help the headache.  And gave me a couple of reasons for the swishing/swooshing/lightheadedness/pressure in my head.  I am hopeful that I will get some answers next week when I go in.  But I also know that if they don't find anything thats okay too.  

The things I am feeling are real (nobody is saying they aren't) and that my doctors are working to make me comfortable.  

I'll end this saying that when I feel like this I wonder how I will handle things when I progress further as the pain gets worse.  There are many times that I cry because the pain is so bad.  I was told this week that I will be able to handle it as I progress.  My body will know what I can handle and will act accordingly.