Started on the steroids today. Last month Dr piper recommended taking one when I first get up and one before lunch so that I would be able to sleep at night. I did exactly as he said and he it is 3:00 am wide awake. Some of it is my anxiety. i start my newest treatment this week. I’m not sure what day. But I know there is a very high percentage that they will need to stop it and give meds to help with the allergy. It is very common which is why they give it slowly and over two days. But I’m scared. Most people are able to continue after they get the allergy meds. And the second day is much better.
Tonite was cold and rainy. Trent had a baseball game that wasn’t cancelled. Baelors was cancelled (not going to lit I wasn’t sad.) It made things easier for me. Baelors field tends to be about 5-10 degrees colder bc it’s right down the street from the beach. I thought i had plenty of time to make it to the game but my mom texted me that it had started and Trent was pitching. So I hauled bum and came in hot and got to see him pitch a little over 2 Innings. I lost count with how many strikeouts. His second inning he went 1,2,3 though. His team lost but I’m so proud of his team. They are working together and each one of them is improving every practice and every game! Their coaches are great! And I can’t thank them enough for all the work and encouragement they have given the boys!
I made sure I stayed the whole game. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to make his game on Friday. I’m afraid I won’t be able to make baelors practice or game on saturday/sunday. It is important to me that I make as many as I can because I don’t know how many seasons I have left. I want them to know I am always there cheering them on.
As I get ready for chemo/immunotherapy I am stressing more about how the week is going to go. Did I find enough coverage for work? Did I complete all of my school work so if I’m struggling this weekend I don’t need to worry. Did I prepare the boys enough for what might happen? Did I meal prep enough so they can microwave meals if I can’t cook? Is it going to hurt to access my port? Will it be easier because I have the port or will it hurt more? How long am I going to be there for? is there food in the house that I will feel like eating? Did I drink enough electrolytes and water since I talked to the doctor on Friday. Will my creatinine levels have increased enough?
the mental struggle of have an incurable cancer is heart breaking. The ups and the downs, the anticipation of what’s to come, the not knowing what the future is going to bring. trying to take it one week at a time, sometimes it’s one day at a time, others it’s taking it one hour at a time and still others just getting through the minute is hard.
This past weekend I went to my happy place with my mom and sisters. Most of you know tulips are my favorite so we went to tip top tulips in Ipswich. I can not recommend them enough! they have done an incredible job! Everyone is so friendly that works there. And everyone in the field was kind and smiling! I loved every minute of it. Walking was a little hard and I was a lot tired but it was def worth it.
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