12 years ago today Bryan and I said I. 8 years ago (on the 15) we completed our family when we welcomed Baelor. This is the first year that I am at a loss. I’m at a loss on what to post, how to handle my anniversary, how to handle Baelor’s birthday and what to say. I hope and pray that I am here this time next year. But reality is the odds aren’t in my favor.
Celebrating an anniversary or a birthday or the start of school although happy is a little bittersweet. It reminds me that this could be my last celebration. It reminds me that I most likely won‘t celebrate year 20,25, 50. All those milestones with Bryan will be lost.
The other day in the car Trent and Baelor were talking about driving and who would teach them. I know that this will be the last time I celebrate an 8th birthday for the boys. But I hope to make it to more birthdays.
Without adding in the feels of anniversaries and birthdays this is a hard week. Two scans and treatment is difficult. It’s difficult to get through the feelings of treatment, the nerves of upcoming scans. This week has all the feelings.
But like I have every scan before this one I will get through it with the support of my boys, my family and my friends.
I usually update after my scans. I see Dr. Piper a week from tomorrow to go over my scans. I never know how I am going to feel after my scans but I’ll try and update this weekend if i hear anything or on how my treatment went. Thank you to all!
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