Friday was my birthday. There was a time that I made sure everyone knew it was my birthday. Now I kind of want to forget that it happens. Don't get me wrong, I am excited that I made it another year. But at the same time I am sad. I don't know how many birthday celebrations I have left. Will I make it to my next birthday?
My actual birthday was a great day! I had fluids in the morning, work, lunch with Bryan, dinner with my mom, Emily, Paul, Lisa and my boys. There was cake, gifts and lots of messages (thank you to everyone that reached out!!).
Yesterday was a bit of a struggle for me. Baelor has been struggling with a lot of things lately. We haven't been the best at limiting screen time. And it shows in his behavior (we are now detoxing for the past 24 hours and its amazing how things have changed).
We ran some errands and I basically cried my way through the store. Baelor wasn't listening, my legs weren't being walking friendly (and trying to get a scooter was like trying to move mountains). I was feeling so much more than my age and realizing how much I can't do. Realizing that I most likely won't see my kids reach my age, or see my grandkids. I will be lucky if I see the boys graduate high school or college or get married.
And then I spiral. And I struggle to get out of it.
Today was a new day. I woke up well rested, did some school work (not even sure why I am finishing this but here I am). Baseball was cancelled. We are going to take the kids for birthday late lunch/early dinner at the 9's and then we will call it a day.
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