Today

 (I think we can all relate to this shirt).  

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Here we go.   It’s Tuesday morning at 6…there is no denying I have scans today.  Yesterday I was ready to run away-my attitude was horrible, the kids/Bryan couldn’t say anything without getting attitude from me.  I sat in the living room and knitted so I wasn’t super annoyed. 

Yesterday, I also had my chemo lesson.  Basically you meet with a nurse practitioner and they go over all the side effects.  She went over the most common-I asked what the uncommon ones are.  Because you know if anyone is going to get them it’s going to be me.  Lol. 

I haven’t decided if this seems more tolerable than my current treatment.  It doesn’t have scalp sores as a side effect but mouth sores are.  She told me (and I’ve read) to suck on ice chips throughout the treatment.  For some it helps.  I’m willing to try it. 

The treatment time is a lot shorter than the Ami.  It runs over an hour and a half vs the 5-6 hours for my Ami.  So there’s a plus.  The nausea and fatigue are big side effects.  

She did say she hasn’t had anyone on it. But has been doing more teaching kn it.  I get the feeling I am going to be one of the first at my clinic to receive it.  

So here I am two days before Christmas not wanting to get up but I know I have too.  It’s going to snow today which is an added strsss with driving. I start my day in Peabody for fluids and magnesium (nit confirmed but it would be a Christmas miracle if I don’t need it…lol).  And then off to Burlington for 1:30 scans.  It’s a long scan both my lumbar and my brain.  I will make it through the scan.  I have my Ativan and my pain meds for my head.  I’m hoping to take a nap.  

I always want to thank everyone that reached out, sent a gift for the boys and have offered helped this Christmas!   We are so incredibly lucky to be surrounded by such a caring community.  The holidays hit a little different this year.  The days seems to be flying by, the anxiety seems to be running high, the moments don’t seem to last as long.  I know I am borrowed time for believing (at least with Trent and I’m pretty sure he’s just stringing me along…lol).  There are things I wanted to do with the kids but can’t seem to get out of my own way.  Looking at Christmas lights was a big one on my list. But by the end of the day the exhaustion has set in.  I’m hopeful that medicine will catch up to me in 2026 and I’ll be here.  But realistically I know the chances are slim. My legs are getting worse, my headaches are more frequent, my exhaustion is great.  Good news I am eating (nothing tastes like anything) and gaining weight (thank you prednisone-thank you head sores…lol). 

Thank you to the friends that have reached out and offered to run errands, help wrap or come and sit with me.  I have realized who my true friends are this past year and I couldn’t be more thankful to have them in my corner cheering me on through this journey.  

More on my reflections of friendships after the holidays.  It’s been weighing heavy on me.  

Enough rambling. Time to get up put on my big girl pants and face the music of the day.  I hope your music is filled with holiday magic, some Snoopy the Red Barron, and Holiday Wrapping (it’s a song).  And any others you love!  But those are my two favorites.