Treatment day

​

Tuesday…I always know when it’s Tuesday…it’s treatment day.  Once every three weeks.   There’s been a lot going on.  And by a lot I mean a lot. I have been officially out of the hospital for a week!  Holy cow where did the time go!?!  I swear I have been in the hospital more than I have been out of the hospital.  But to be honest my brain can’t even compute how long I have been in for.   

I don’t know what I have updated so I apologize if this is all repeat.   

Several weeks ago the pain got so bad at an infusion I needed to be hospitalized.  I didn’t realize how bad it was until they started taking away the pain.   The way to take away the pain was methadone.  Not a medication I wanted to go on but one my doctors said would be the best for me.   I trusted them and still do.   That being said it was not the best medication for me,  it made me confused, loopy, fuzzy, out of sorts.  Quickly repeating myself and questioning everything.   I quickly came off of it questioning everything.   Thankfully I had my family here to see the changes and help.   As I was coming off a new plan needed to be made, which is when the pain pump was introduced.  So here we are with that.   It continually doses medication, and as I feel more pain I can press a button and get more.   Because I have a port it is easy access but that means I can’t access my port during chemo.   But that’s another bridge to cross when we get there.   

So here’s the thing…three years ago I was the girl that didn’t take medication.  Maybe a Tylenol here or there.  Nothing major.  Three years ago my life changed and I was put on tagrisso.   From tagrisso I was put on antidepressants, to help with the antidepressants I put on antibiotics, to anti anxiety the meds kept piling on.  When they suggested methadone I panicked.  I didn’t want to be chocked full of meds.   It scared the crap out of me.  I knew I needed help but also didn’t want to be drug up with meds.   Is there a happy medium.  Can I find something that works but not too strong?  Can I find something that doesn’t make me a zombie?  I am working with palliative care to answer this and the answer is yes.   That also being said today alone I took 19 pills!!!!   19 pills is what’s keeping me functioning (not including the pain pump).holy cow that’s a lot of medication!  Medication that this horrible disease “requires” I take to get me through the next day.  

I also want to thank everyone.  I know that I am not going to remember everyone and I apologize-but thank you to everyone that has helped and stepped up.  Meals, calls, messages, texts, gift cards, donations, thoughts, prayers,  like I mentioned this hasn’t been an easy 2026.   There was a time I didn’t think 2026 would be my year.  There was a time I was thinking this was it.   Through the power of everything I am here still.  I am still fighting.  I remember distantly looking at my oncologist and telling him I am not don’t fighting and it’s not my time yet.  I’ll know when my fight is over and right now my fight is not over.  I can’t thank everyone enough as a community, friends, family, loved ones that have helped me fight this fight.  To show me I still have so much fight left in this.  Thank you!   Thank you for standing next to me-quietly, loudly, proudly, to help me fight this.  In such a lonely world of cancer I have never felt more loved.  

My story isn’t just my story.  It’s a story of community and strength.  It’s a story of past and present, future.  Please share my story,  if it can help someone that’s what is important.  I am happy to talk with others about my story.  In fact I want my story out there.  I want to start advocating but I don’t know how.  I want to start sharing my story-talking to small groups sharing what I have learned.  Please feel free to reach out so I can get my story out there.  

When I decided to retire I didn’t know what I was going to do.  Dr Piper said I could promote my blog, advocate-which is great but where do I start?   

I have some connections through work-maybe start there? Or maybe the blog is my start and it will take off?  Either way I will figure it out.  I will share my story!  And let it be told/heard.  Lung cancer will not define who I am or what I am.   Thank you to everyone that had already shared my story!  Love to you all!!!